Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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