took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
