Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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