ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
