You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
