i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
