ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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