My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
