im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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