on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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