kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
