Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
