My cat gives me a boner
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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