I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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