I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
