New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
