I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
