He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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