i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
