So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
