Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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