I am in a vortex of obligation.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
pop tarts are not kleenex
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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