If i come over, it means nothing
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
