put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i've created a new STD.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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