elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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