i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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