I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
