i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
