I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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