Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There r osticjed everywhere
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
