how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
