Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
