it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
