I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
