At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
