I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
