If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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