I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
