She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
