i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
