my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
