i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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