So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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