do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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