I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
