The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
