we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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