And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
