after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
