I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
