He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
